(Shutterstock)

 As McGill students prepare for an onslaught of exams that will determine their self-worth and chances of future success, we at The Why Intersection wanted to help our readers brace for the worst. Here are a couple pointers on how to be prepared:

  • Contrary to popular belief, the term ‘midterm’ doesn’t refer to “the middle of the term,” but rather to the “Midwife of the Lonely Termite,” a maiden from French Canadian folklore who may materialize at any point during the semester.
  • Did you know? Stephen Hawking failed an exam, and now he’s dead.
  • Do not leave Stray Mark. He’s rabid and will wreak havoc across campus.
  • Not many people know this, but you are allowed one (but only one) loom for the basket-weaving portion of your exam.
  • Remember, any pencil is a #2 pencil if it makes a full trip through your digestive system.
  • Bring bread crumbs in case your proctor is a goose.
  • Wear fingerless gloves to your exam. The school will be forced to hire someone to write it for you, because you don’t have fingers and your gloves are fresh as hell.
  • Think of it this way: the paper on which you’re writing your exams likely comes from trees mercilessly mowed down by the logging industry in the Amazon Rainforest.
  • In 500 BCE, the Babylonians figured out that it takes 365 days for us to make one rotation around the sun, and not a single one of them made the Dean’s List.
  • If students are yelling outside the exam room, be a dear and tell your proctor that Stray Mark is on the loose and that they have 24 hours to seek medical help.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here