Early last week, on a crisp Tuesday afternoon, the SPVM received an anonymous complaint regarding “3 bare naked men bumming around McGill University in broad daylight.” When two officers arrived at the scene, they had no choice but to ticket the streakers for public indecency.

“It’s a shame,” commented Chief of Police Po Sterior . “People these days really are out to get men. One day it’s perfectly fine to stare at women on the metro, the next day its ‘illegal’ to round up your buddies and ‘expose yourself’ to strangers in a park. It’s like, where do you draw the line? You’d think that even these marble men would be safe, but no. None of us are safe anymore.”

Although the ticket was made out to all Three Bares, McGill University has announced plans to pay it off. In order to raise the funds for the $800 fine, they’ll levy a new fee of $100 per student; 99% to cover administrative costs.

Overall, the situation with the iconic Three Bares seems grim, but The Why Intersection is happy to report that hey, at least none of these McGill statues were slave owners.

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